Somewhere Between Work and Life: Finding Myself Again

By Gaby

Somewhere between deadlines, expectations, and the quiet pressure to keep going, I slowly started to lose myself. At first, it didn’t feel like something serious. It was just tiredness, just stress, just another long day. But over time, it became something heavier, something I couldn’t ignore anymore. I was showing up every day, doing what I was supposed to do, yet inside, I felt disconnected, overwhelmed, and far from who I used to be. Somewhere between work and life, I stopped asking myself how I really felt. I was functioning, but I wasn’t truly living. I started to realize that it wasn’t just the work; it was how I was experiencing it. I had lost connection with myself within those long hours. The hardest part wasn’t the work, it was the thought that this would repeat, day after day, again and again. The same routine, the same hours, the same feeling. And somewhere in that repetition, something inside me started to fade. I felt empty, almost as if life had lost its meaning. It was no longer about living, but about getting through the day. At times, it felt like I was just waiting for the hours to pass, for the days to end, for time to move forward. And that was the most painful realization of all: it felt like I wasn’t truly living, but simply watching my life go by.

There were moments when work didn’t just feel exhausting, it felt like a prison. I remember sitting in a large office building, surrounded by glass windows, yet feeling completely closed in. I would stare outside, watching the world move freely, while I felt stuck inside, daydreaming about a different life. I wished I could just press a button and be free—step out of that reality and into something that felt like mine. But at the same time, there was a constant struggle in my mind: How would I make money? How would I survive? They are paying me well. Everybody has to work. What else could I do? That tension never left me. The desire for freedom on one side, and the fear of instability on the other. And in between those two, I felt trapped—physically present, but mentally somewhere else.

As a way to compensate for the difficult time I was experiencing at work, I began to seek relief in my private life. After work, I tried to escape completely, going out more, drinking, and filling my time with distractions so I wouldn’t have to think about the office or what had happened during the day. Gradually, this turned into a more hedonistic lifestyle, where I was mostly trying to numb myself rather than restore myself. In doing so, I lost the balance between my professional and personal life. Instead of creating harmony, my life became polarized and moved toward extremes.

Then something began to change. I started practicing meditation; not as a solution at first, but simply as a way to pause. And slowly, almost without noticing, my perspective began to shift. Work didn’t change overnight. My responsibilities stayed the same. The hours were still long. But I changed. I began to experience those eight or nine hours differently; not as something I had to survive, but as something I could be present in. I stopped seeing work as something that was taking from me. Instead, I started accepting it as part of my life, not separate from it. I realized that work could be as enjoyable as any other activity. I allowed myself to find small moments of peace within the day. To breathe. To observe. To just be. And for the first time, I realized that even in the middle of a routine, I could feel calm. I could feel grounded. I could feel like myself again. I used to think happiness would come from changing my circumstances. But what truly changed everything was shifting how I showed up within them. That’s where real strength comes from, not from escaping, but from learning how to stay present, even when things are not perfect or ideal.

Of course, we can’t simply avoid work, we all need to make a living in some way. But that doesn’t mean we have to experience it as something heavy or draining. When we begin to shift our perspective, something changes. Work is no longer just an obligation, it becomes a part of life we can engage with differently. Instead of resisting it, we can learn to accept it, and even appreciate the simple fact that we are able to work, to contribute, and to be part of something. And in that shift, even the ordinary can start to feel meaningful. I didn’t change my job. I changed my relationship with it. And somewhere between work and life, I didn’t lose myself after all, I found a way back.