Feeling Replaceable

By Joana

When I was about six years old, something happened that shaped my view of myself in an unexpected way. My family and I were at a restaurant, and all of us kids were playing in the restaurant’s playground. Among the children was a girl I didn’t know. We played together, and before we left, I asked her for her name. She smiled and said, “My name is Joana!”

I froze. My name was Joana! How could that be? In my six-year-old mind, it was unthinkable that someone else could have the same name as me. Until that moment, I had believed I was completely unique, special, one of a kind. But suddenly, I wasn’t. At that moment, I felt numb. Some feeling of being replaceable came up.

As I grew older, that feeling returned in subtle ways. With my former partner, for example, I sometimes worried that he could easily replace me with someone else. These fears weren’t based on anything he said or did; they were projections of my own insecurities. It wasn’t until I began meditating that I recognized the root of these thoughts: the memory of little Joana on that playground and the beliefs I had built around it. That familiar childhood belief that we are the center of our own universe suddenly had to make room for another Joana.
This feeling might sound familiar to many – it’s that same knot in your stomach when you see your partner like someone else’s social media post, or when a coworker gets praised for something you do every day. In my case, it surfaced in my romantic relationship. Haven’t we all had those moments of doubt, wondering if we’re special enough to be irreplaceable?

Through meditation, I was able to revisit that memory and let go—not just of the emotions, thoughts, and visuals tied to it, but also of the identity I had constructed around it. I realized something profound: I had not only felt replaceable, but I had also viewed others as replaceable. Believing my own uniqueness was undervalued, I had unconsciously mirrored that by failing to fully honour the uniqueness of others.
Letting go of the “replaceable mind” has been transformative. It allowed me to see myself and others in a new light. I now recognize that no one, including myself, is like anyone else; everyone is special, with their own unique abilities and attributes. By releasing the mental images and old stories that shaped my sense of self, I can truly embrace what is present.

From this new perspective, every single person matters. Each one of us is irreplaceable, special, and unique. Yet we all come from the same source and share the same origin. We are one.
I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to shed my old ways of thinking and to experience this deeper understanding more and more each day.